If it’s your birthday make some NOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEE!!!  Woot Woot!! Party over here!! (Smile)

DID YOU MISS ME?!!  I know I’ve missed you!!! Even though it’s MY BIRTHDAY, I decided to give my readers a present of finally posting something after months of anticipation!   In addition, I’ve decided to remove the previous few posts, because they sucked worse than a breastfeed newborn, and start fresh!   I know people normally wait until the end of the year to reflect on the past year and create resolutions that they break within the first week of January.  However, I’ve decided that MY NEW YEAR BEGINS TODAY!

As I reflect on the past year of my life, my emotions are running all over the place as I try to digest the good with the bad things that have occurred over the last 365 days.

On the plus side:

• I began to put my health first and turned Vegan for 6 months
• I became a go hard gym junkie, runner/pseudo marathoner and lost almost 40 lbs!!
• I decided to pursue my dream of being a huge fashion mogul by enrolling in a Fashion Design program
• I’ve been able to explore my creative side through my makeup artistry and stylist skills while participating in some AMAZING photoshoots with my soulmate from a previous life, Derek Chase.
• I wore the same little black dress for 100 FREAKING DAYS all in the name of fashion and charity (This was a total win for me and probably unhygienic to others…lol)
• I raised over $2000 for a charity over the course of the year and on top of that donated $500 of my own money to various charities throughout the year
• I finally took the first steps to repair a downtrodden relationship with my estranged father after not seeing him for over 5 years

What more could a girl ask for in life, right?! I definitely started this year with every intention on ‘Being My Best Self’, but nothing would ever prepare me for the following setbacks:

• I experienced 1.5 breakups…I say 1 and ½ because they really weren’t worth my time. (Smile)
• I magically erased the last two years of blog posts (TEARS!!)
• I stopped going to the gym, reverted back to eating trash and gained 25 lbs back of the 40 I lost.
• In the midst of me trying to repair a relationship with my father, I found out that I have a 14 year old half sister FROM HIS COWORKER.
• I also found out that my older sister, that I grew up with mind you, not only knew about her and never told me, but she also met her and has spent time with her.  (Needless to say we had a falling out and I haven’t talked to her in SIX MONTHS!)
• However, probably the most earth shattering part of my year was undoubtedly the untimely death of a close friend, Armon.

To many he was known affectionately as Stixx, to me he was simply Bestie, but for those that have been following my many blogs throughout the last 6 years he was Slim.  As you know (or may not know) initially we dated for a while but eventually realized we were much better suited a friends.  (Smile)  His most recent involvement in my blog world was as a contributing stud that I would go to when I needed advice and ridiculous commentary on ‘What Men Really Think”. I coined him as Mr. Hot Single Guy with Commitment Issues and described him as follows:

Slim has a good heart, but he has serious commitment issues. He says he just has major trust issues with women. I always wonder if its the women he doesn’t trust or is the fact that he knows he can’t be trusted? I’m sure he will figure it out one day, but in the meantime he will represent my stud that is unable to be a one woman man. However, I’m giving any woman that can get this guy to settle down a freaking award ceremony because she deserves it!

Since I wrote this description about Slim years ago so much changed in both of our lives even down to his stud status.  Not only did he become one of my best male friends on the planet, he did get hit by cupid’s arrow and actually settled down with someone that he cared for very much.  I’ve lost quite a few friends in my short lifetime, but for some reason his death BY FAR has hit me hardest out of all of them.  I just don’t understand how someone so young, healthy, stylish, driven, and so full of love and life could be stripped from the world so soon! Like who really dies in their sleep at 31?!

Aforementioned, I’ve had quite a few young friends die in the past for health reasons, violent crimes, substance abuse…etc.  While I’ve been hurt by their passing I’ve always been able to rationalize their deaths.  However, none of the prior REMOTELY applies to Slim.  He didn’t have any health issues, he didn’t abuse drugs and he was a lover not a fighter; thus a life of crime was not for him.  Since his death, I’ve sought out spiritual enlightenment and even professional assistance (yes I have a shrink now!) to gain some sort of clarity around the situation.  While I’ve made some progress over the last few weeks, his passing definitely makes me question my own mortality.  We were so similar in a lot of ways including our unwillingness to show vulnerability in many situations including relationships.  I could go on and on, but I’ll spare you the details because hello!  I want to end this post on a high note!!  One thing I know he wouldn’t want me to do is sulk in my own self pity and become paralyzed by grief.  Besides “settling down and having some babies before my eggs dried up” as he so eloquently put it in one of our last convos, he would want me follow my dreams by any means necessary (other than selling my soul to the devil of course) I can totally here him say “COME ON BESTIE!! Is crying about me dying going to make you money?! NO! So get it together and go get that paper!! Time for CAG to take over the world in that little black dress!!!’  He was so poetic in his own right. (Smile) It’s weird because I still feel like his spirit is still very much here with me as if God granted me a new guardian angel.

I’ve been trying so hard to find my own special way to commemorate him since he passed.  I thought about having a massive monument built of him and having it place in a location that everyone in the world would see! However while I’m sure he would just LOVE THAT, I’m certainly not rich YET.  Instead I’ve decided to dedicate my blog to him! I mean it may not be a big deal (and a semi-cheap approach) to you but I think it’s pretty awesome! (Smile)

Going forward, I hope to not only use this blog as a means for me to share my personal opinions on Fashion, Health/Fitness and Random Ridiculousness (Wink), but I also hope that as I discuss my own healing process I can somehow help someone else.  He would totally want it that way.

R.I.P Bestie…Thanks for continuing to encourage,  inspire, and motivate me in spirit! Though your not physically here, you live on in the hearts and minds of all the people you’ve touched.  I promise I’ll make you proud. Love Ya!! -Middax