December 30th, 2011 
cagreinvented 
TWO POSTS IN ONE WEEK?! #WINNING! Yes I know this is like a record deserving of Guinness World Record notoriety, but this post is much needed. I received so much wonderful feedback both online and offline regarding my previous post, I thought it would be best to write another blog to clarify a few things.
First I would like to thank you all for commenting. I get stoked when I receive comments because it makes me feel like my writing isn’t done in vain. There were quite a few questions around what the ex-pact really entails and I’m going to address them to avoid any confusion. Funny enough the ex and I actually had this same discussion the other night during dinner and it sparked an hour long conversation. I will explain the stipulations associated with the pact and I’m curious to know if you think they are realistic. Moreover, I will respond to a thought provoking comment from one on my new readers towards to the end of this post. (Shot out to MJ!) Check out the dets when you read the rest…
While I went into this pact with little to no expectations, I thought it was important to discuss guidelines with my ex to avoid any surprises i.e. if one of us sees the other out with someone no hair gets pulled nor faces get smacked etc.
What we will do/Where we will go?: The things we will do are the same things dating people do. Go out to dinner, go to the movies, go to a concert, go to a formal event, etc. Fair enough right?
What is allowed?: We will be allowed to continue to date other people. This will not be classified as a monogamous relationship.
When all bets are off?: If either party decides to get into a relationship with someone else and/or if one of us (i.e. the ex) knocks someone up. I don’t play those types of reindeer games.
What is not allowed?: SEX with each other (Did I just hear a ten car pileup behind me?!…lol)
Yes…no sex in the champagne room is allowed! LOL I know what you’re thinking. I either found Jesus or lost my damn mind! While I love the Lord and don’t think there is anything wrong with celibacy and saving oneself for marriage, that is not my rationale for not wanting to be intimate with my ex. I’ve just found in my experience that sex has complicated things and I know myself. If I saw him out in the street with someone else (and we were getting down), it might be some slow singing and flower bringing and all gloves will come off! HA! Of course, he found a huge issue with this guideline and it sparked a huge debate. (There goes the honeymoon stage…lol)
He felt like my request was unrealistic, very restrictive, and extremely limiting. He said he doesn’t understand the big deal because we’ve been intimate before so it’s not I would be adding a number. :::sideeye:: He also feels like I shouldn’t “fight the feeling” and that if being intimate is something that both of us feel like doing at the given moment then we should go for it. (Typical man! UGH!) I told him “the feeling” is what got me in trouble before and I’m not trying to go down that road again. However, my major point to him is I’m not stopping him from exploring intimacy elsewhere so why is he giving me such grief?
While I don’t plan on having sex with the people I’m dating, I know men are made a little differently and need sex. Perhaps I’m generalizing but that has been the case in my experience. So if a part of the guidelines includes him being able to go out and freely (yet protected) bring his love down, what’s the big deal?! I told a friend of mine about the guidelines and he told me the pact is worse than a soggy noodle…HA! This friend is also an oversexed pig so I can’t take him seriously. However, I am curious to know what you think. For now I’ll refrain from commenting on the guidelines any further. Instead I will proceed with responding to a readers comment on previous post.
Here is my friend MJ’s comment:
First, I have to ask, what exactly do you mean by “date” your ex? Secondly, I generally agree that ex’s are just that for a reason. Finally, although I cannot speak for all men, I have to say that I find the idea of pursuing anything serious with a woman who is “dating” her ex to be somewhat disturbing (I suspect many other men may feel the same). In which case, you might as well go ahead and make it official now. Good luck with that though, I’m sure you’ll let us know how it all works out for you.
Perhaps I have a different approach to dating than most, but I don’t understand why any newcomer I date would need to know about my ex pact. When dating someone the only thing I need to know (initially) is if the person has a wife or girlfriend because if so, all bets are off. I don’t think it’s necessary to get into the details around the other people I’m dating. Do you? I wouldn’t necessarily want to know about the people the other person is dating. The only place where it gets a little tricky is if you decide to start having sex with a person and that’s when that discussion may occur. However, I’m not in the business of having multiple partners and don’t plan on boning the ex (or anyone else for that matter) any time soon.
Also, regarding the comment about why not make it official now? I think both of us have things we need to work out individually before jumping into a relationship with each other or anyone for that matter. We both recently got out of relationships and aren’t ready to haste into another one. I think this exploratory exercise is a way to spend time with a person that I can be safe with emotionally. We’re comfortable with each other and enjoy each other’s company. That isn’t necessarily a formula for a good relationship. More importantly, he’s the only person that would let me blog about it so he sort of won by default. HA! Just kidding! (Sorta…lol)
Thanks for your comment MJ!
And thank you all for continuing to read my blog and ridiculous commentary. I can’t wait to hear what you think about the Ex Pact Sexpectations and MJ’s comment.
Until Next Time…STAY FAB!!
Posted in 
Tags: 
I kinda agree w/ MJ….What’s the value here? The point in being in a relationship is building for the future..whatever that future may be..it seems like you guys are attempting to build a house w/ silly puddly..I say that meaning..how long will the foundation last when it’s built on factors that typically…’ WORK’ in relationships…This is a big ass tease! Someone is gonna want some goodies!
Dating someone and not being able to get any goods is like (if I may quote the show “Guy Code”) being a a great concert and being deaf!
Well… I have to say the idea of blogging about dating your ex is pretty interesting. It got my attention. I have actually tried dating an ex and the outcome wasn’t so great, but every situation is different. As far as sex goes… I agree with you. It complicates things and clouds judgement. I believe that for most women it’s very hard to separate sex and emotion. No matter how much they want to believe they can. I think your terms are fair. You didn’t say he couldnt have sex. You just said it wasn’t an option with you. He’ll be alright. Hey, if you can keep his attention for a year (assuming you’re still interested) without giving it up and to some extent competing with women who will, you are a BAD chick!
You ask how a newcomer would know about your ex-pact and I’ll be very honest with you here. I wanted to date you until I read your blog. At some point you should assume any new comer will too, afterall it is on your FB page. It wasn’t the so much your history that bothered me, I have a past and I figured you would too (you are very attractive so I assumed there would’ve been men before me). I just would’ve preferred not to know the details.
Thanks for the shout out. And I’m curious if you know who I am.
Thanks for your comment MJ! Nope, still don’t know who you are, but I appreciate your comment.
To be honest with you I don’t take offense to what you have to say. In fact, I welcome your (and everyone else’s) criticism. Diversity of thought is important. In addition, yes you are correct about my having a past. However, I don’t apologize for having a past and if asked I’m honest about it.
I wish you much luck on your dating endeavors and hope that you find your perfect virgin princess. LOL I KID…
Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to future comments!
Oooooooooooooooooh!! I take that back…I know who you are..hehe…
I thought you might be able to figure out who this is if you gave it a little thought
By the way, the no sex rule does change things a little. The pact actually seems a little more feasible to me that way.
If you’re single, be just that- SINGLE. Why enter into a situation that more than likely will lead to a train wreck in some way shape or form? The idle mind is the Devil’s playground and we usually get into precarious situations when we are “bored” and just kick it with an undesirable whether they be an ex or someone clearly below our standard. Furthermore, if you have that many rules and regulations, then someone is automatically going to be slighted. A real ‘friendship” or relationship won’t need such governance and it seems this situation doesn’t fall into the category of either.
Woooooooooooooooooo JJ!! Tell me how you really feel? LOL
You know I’m far from the defensive type and I always welcome your advice, but don’t you think you’re being a bit harsh? I think you’re being unfair by stating this is something I’m doing because I’m “bored with an idle mind”. You know I’m far from bored and have little to no time on my hands. Also, “the ex” is far from an ‘undesirable’ and that’s why I selected him. I selected him for several reasons. 1. He’s an awesome guy. 2. For once, we are both single at the SAME TIME (which is important wouldn’t you agree?) 3. He isn’t going to b!tch when he can’t see me all the time (because I am a busy girl) and 4. He is open minded and willing to explore this opportunity/social experiment with me.
Also, in terms of ‘rules and regulations’ you act like I have a list of 100 rules to CAG’s heart LOL The only rule that seems to be taking everyone back is the fact that I’ve chosen to not have sex with him. (A “rule” which I believe you discussed in your own situation) And for real if he wasn’t okay with it, he had the opportunity to not pursue the ‘pact’ right then and there. No harm no foul. I think in every situation, both personal and profession, there needs to be a discussion of expectations. To not have that discussion oftentimes leads to someone feeling slighted and/or hurt and the last thing I would want is for either of us to say “why would you treat a friend like that?”. Yes, these conversations may be comfortable but they are necessary.
Perhaps the fact that I’m documenting this ‘experiment’ sort of cheapens it to many people which is perfectly understandable. However, my intent was to approach something in a lighthearted manner with a good friend to see how it pans out. But maybe that’s a bit naive of me. (or not…lol)
You know it’s all love though JJ. I always love your commentary, feedback, criticism and whatever you have for me. <3 <3 <3 Smooches!
It seems my reply didn’t go through…. I will attempt to re-write it.
CAG,
I love ur blog..,its very entertaining & witty..! One thing though u don’t want to keep seeing a guy who is sleeping around with other women even though this is just an exploratory exercise
Happy New Year Girl..!